If Barack Obama Twittered

So, I’ve been thinking… What if President Obama were twittering? What would that look like? Well, I’ve got a pretty good idea. See below:

• @BarackObama: Despite Chief Justice’s best efforts, a black man with a funny name was sworn in as President. That’s right, bitches!
• @BarackObama: Tweets may be sporadic. Had to give Blackberry.
• @BarackObama: The coolest thing about being Prez? Air Force One!
• @BarackObama: GM needs… How much?!?
• @BarackObama: Keeping Gates as Defense Secretary. He seems to be only sane Republican in DC.
• @BarackObama: No update on puppy.
• @BarackObama: Closing Guantamo. I hear Cuba is a great vacation spot. That reminds me: talk to Hillary about easing travel restrictions there.
• @BarackObama: So, Daschle forgot to pay some taxes. Can happen to anyone.
• @BarackObama: No update on puppy.
• @BarackObama: AIG did what?!?
• @BarackObama: Unemployment at 7.6%. Oh, shit.
• @BarackObama: Got new Blackberry. Thing’s HUGE, though!
• @BarackObama: Not ONE SINGLE Republican in the House voted for my stimulous package? That makes me angry.
• @BarackObama: Had a great State of the U. address. Jindal? Is that the best Republicans can do?
• @BarackObama: Beat Holder on the court this AM, then told him to release Gitmo memos. Good thing Secret Service was present.
• @BarackObama: @DickCheney: STFU. @Republicans: Chill out. I’m trying to fix the big pile of shit you left me.
• @BarackObama: No update on puppy.
• @BarackObama: Talked to Gordon Brown this morning. LOVE that British accent.
• @BarackObama: Road Trip!! G-20 or Bust!
• @BarackObama: How am I supposed to know not to touch the Queen? Geeeez!
• @BarackObama: Kim Jun IL has a death wish, doesn’t he?
• @BarackObama: No update on puppy.
• @BarackObama: Meeting with Hillary at White House swing set.
• @BarackObama: Got a puppy. Fo shizzle!
• @BarackObama: Puppy just peed on oval office carpet.
• @BarackObama: “Teabag” Parties… He, he, he… Next time, look it up on Urban Dictionary, Fox News!
• @BarackObama: I hate puppies.
• @BarackObama: @SomaliPirates: don’t fuck with me. @RushLimbaugh: You’re next!
• @BarackObama: Worked out this morning. My abs are awesome.
• @BarackObama: Someone shoot the dog. Where is the Secret Service when you need it?
• @BarackObama: Off to meet a bunch of South American dictators.
• @BarackObama: South American dictators are short.
• @BarackObama: Using book from Chavez as kindle for White House fireplace.
• @BarackObama: Welcome, Arlen! And, thank you! Say it after me, boys and girls: “Magic 60!”
• @BarackObama: 100 days. 65% approval. I’m awesome. Watch me on TV tonight.
• @BarackObama: @Chrysler: You’re so bad off, not even Fiat (!?!) wants you. Tired of your shit. Meet Mr. Chapter 11.
• @BarackObama: Ugh! I wish Pelosi would join Cheney in the STFU Club.
• @BarackObama: Kim Jung Il has a death wish.
• @BarackObama: Sotomayor for the high court. I’d love to see the GOP fillibuster a Hispanic… Man, sometimes, I impress even myself.